Dear Honey,

I know you mean well, I know you think you know best, but enough is enough. I have suffered in silence for long enough. I’m stepping out of the closet and opening my heart. This year as you shop for my Christmas present please don’t buy me what I need. I know that I need to smell better and looks nicer, I know you like me in warm pyjamas and new underwear. But I don’t know what to say when I open these gifts you give me. How can I fake enthusiasm over a pair of slippers, how can I look happy holding a new nose hair trimmer?

Begin with the most basic — can he play with it? Does it to swing, bounce, shuffle or roll? Can you find a trigger, rip-cord, grip or stick-shift on it? Does it consume or oil or dog food? If it does then buy it. It doesn’t matter if I already have one, this is not a time to be practical.

Question number two takes us into the area of clothing. When considering an item of men’s apparel for me here is what you need to ask — does it make him look cute or does it make him look like a hunk? If the clothing makes me look cute, drop it. If it makes me look like a hunk, buy two.

If you still can’t decide, when all else fails Honey, try this — can he eat it? Note the question is not would you eat it, do other humans eat it, or is it edible? The question is, can he eat it? Any time the answer is yes, consider yourself on safe ground.

In closing I offer you the same respect. Buy me what I want, and I will do the same for you. By the way I already have, without revealing any details I’ll tell you this much — I’ve found some fishing lures that double as earrings. And you thought I was insensitive.

No need to thank me, your loving husband.

Max Lucado Illustration from his talk The Perfect Gift