Sermon Illustrations
What was it like when Jesus returned to heaven?
Have you ever thought what it was like when Jesus returned to heaven? Maybe it went something like this.
Angel 1 Jesus, it’s wonderful to have you back with us. So, what happens next?
Jesus What do you mean?
Angel 1 Now that you’ve restored the relationship between your Father and his creation by your death on the cross, how is this going to be made known to throughout the world?
Jesus I’ve left that responsibility with my disciples.
All angels You’ve done what?!!!
Jesus When they receive the Holy Spirit they will be empowered to make known my Father’s love to the ends of the earth.
Angel 2 But Peter rushes in where we fear to tread AND he denied you three times!
Angel 3 Matthew was a tax collector and we all know what they’re like!
Angel 4 Simon was a terrorist.
Angel 2 Thomas doesn’t know what he believes!
Angel 4 James, John and Andrew are – just fishermen.
Angel 2 Half the time they didn’t have a clue what you were talking about!
Angel 3 And where were they when you needed them most?!!
Angel 1 So what is plan B?
Jesus There is no plan B.
Angel 1 I don’t believe it!Angels leave, grumbling among themselves.
- Accepting Others, Anger, Christian Character, Covetousness, Criticism, Patience, Perseverance, Sin, Stealing
Cookies At The Airport
A woman was waiting at an airport one night
There were several long hours to wait for her flight.
She hunted for reading in the airport’s gift shop
bought a big bag of cookies — found a place she could drop.She was engrossed in her book, but she happened to see
a man sat beside her — as bold as can be
and grabbed up a cookie from the bag in between
which she tried to ignore — and not make a scene.She munched at her cookies and glanced at the clock
as the masculine cookie-thief diminished her stock!
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by
Thinking, “If I wasn’t a lady, I’d blacken his eye!”With each cookie she took, he took one or two.
With only one left, she watched what he’d do
With a grin on his face, and a nice nervous laugh
He took the last cookie and broke it in half!He offered her half as he munched on the other
She snatched from him and murmured “Oh Brother!
This guy has some nerve, and he’s also quite rude
He never showed even polite gratitude.”She had never known when she had been quite so galled
She smiled with relief when her flight — it was called.
She gathered her stuff and marched to the gate.
(With not even a glance at the thieving ingrate.)She boarded the plane and sank in her seat,
Then sought out her book which was almost complete.
As she reached in her bag, she gasped with surprise,
Her bag of cookies were in front of her eyes!“If mine are right here,” she moaned in despair,
then the others were his and he was trying to share!
Too late to apologize, she realized with grief
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief!Author Valerie Cox – From the book: A 3rd Serving of Chicken Soup for the Soul
The Tongue & The Mind
Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
Quoted from net153.com email list
Building Bridges
Once upon a time two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side by side, sharing machinery, and trading labor and goods as needed without a hitch. Then the long collaboration fell apart.
It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference, and finally it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence.
One morning there was a knock on John’s door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter’s toolbox. “I’m looking for a few days work” he said. “Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there. Could I help you?”
“Yes,” said the older brother. “I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That’s my neighbor, in fact, it’s my younger brother. Last week there was a meadow between and he took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us. Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I’ll go him one better. See that pile of lumber over by the barn? I want you to build me a fence –an 8-foot fence — so I won’t need to see his place anymore. Cool him down, anyhow.”
The carpenter said, “I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post-hole digger and I’ll be able to do a job that pleases you.”
The older brother had to go to town for supplies, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all that day measuring, sawing, nailing. About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job. The farmer’s eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fence at
all. It was a bridge — a bridge stretching from one side of the creek to the other! A fine piece of work, handrails and all — and the neighbor, his younger brother, was coming across, his hand outstretched. “You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I’ve said and done.”The two brothers met at the middle of the bridge, taking each other’s hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox on his shoulder. “No, wait! Stay a few days. I’ve a lot of other projects for you,” said the older brother.
“I’d love to stay on,” the carpenter said, “but I have so many more bridges to build.”
Angels and Angles
We were taken into a calssroom in Zambia, It was obvious that the class had been studying geometry. There, on the wall, was a chart all about the properties of angles, but, unfortunately, all the way throuth the chart the teacher had mis-spelt the word ‘angle’, instead he or she had written ‘angel’.
So we discovered that;
90 degrees makes one right angel!
If the angle is less than 90 degrees that is an acute angel!
If the angle is greater than 90 degrees that is an obtuse angel!And then, at the bottom of the chart, it read, ‘and two right angels make half a revolution’!!!!!
That happy accident reminded me that there is some relationship between angels, messengers of God, those on whom the spirit rests, those who are the body of Christ, and revolutions, in the Church, in the community, and in the world.
God takes delight in those who are his sons and daughters. He will drink the fruit of the vine again when they, with him, have anabled the kingdom of God to be seen.
Read Mark and Pray – the URC Prayer Handbook 1992
Pope Francis: The Bible is a Dangerous Book
Here is the Prologue written by Pope Francis to the new Youth Bible published 2015.
My dear young friends:If you could see my Bible, you would not be particularly impressed. What—that’s the Pope’s Bible? Such an old, worn-out book!
You could buy me a new one for $1,000, but I would not want it. I love my old Bible, which has accompanied me half my life. It has been with me in my times of joy and times of tears. It is my most precious treasure. I live out of it, and I wouldn’t give anything in the world for it.
I really like this new Youth Bible. It’s so colorful, so rich in testimonies: testimonies of the saints, testimonies of young people. It is so inviting that when you start to read at the beginning, you can’t stop until the last page.And then …? And then it disappears on a shelf, collecting dust. Your children find it one day and bring it to the flea market.
It must not come to that.
I’ll tell you something: There are more persecuted Christians in the world today than in the early days of the Church. And why are they persecuted? They are persecuted because they wear a cross and bear witness to Jesus. They are convicted because they own a Bible. The Bible is therefore a highly dangerous book—so dangerous that you are treated in some countries as if you were hiding hand grenades in your closet.
It was a non-Christian, Mahatma Gandhi, who once said: “You Christians look after a document containing enough dynamite to blow all civilization to pieces, turn the world upside down, and bring peace to a battle-torn planet. But you treat it as though it is nothing more than a piece of literature.”
So what do you have in your hands? A piece of literature? Some nice old stories? Then you would have to say to the many Christians who go to prison or are tortured because they own a Bible: “How foolish you are; it’s just a piece of literature!”
No. By the word of God has Light come into the world, and it will never go out. In Evangelii Gaudium (175) I said, “We do not blindly seek God, or wait for him to speak to us first, for ‘God has already spoken, and there is nothing further that we need to know, which has not been revealed to us.’ Let us receive the sublime treasure of the revealed word.”
So you have something divine in your hands: a book like fire! A book through which God speaks. So notice: The Bible is not meant to be placed on a shelf, but to be in your hands, to read often—every day, both on your own and together with others. You do sports together or go shopping together. Why not read the Bible together as well—two, three, or four of you? In nature, in the woods, on the beach, at night in the glow of a few candles … you will have a great experience!
Or are you afraid of making a fool of yourself in front of others?
Read with attention! Do not stay on the surface as if reading a comic book! Never just skim the Word of God! Ask yourself: “What does this say to my heart? Does God speak through these words to me? Has he touched me in the depths of my longing? What should I do?” Only in this way can the force of the Word of God unfold. Only in this way can it change our lives, making them great and beautiful.
I want to tell you how I read my old Bible. Often I read a little and then put it away and contemplate the Lord. Not that I see the Lord, but he looks at me. He’s there. I let myself look at him. And I feel—this is not sentimentality—I feel deeply the things that the Lord tells me. Sometimes he does not speak. I then feel nothing, only emptiness, emptiness, emptiness…. But I remain patiently, and so I wait, reading and praying. I pray sitting, because it hurts me to kneel. Sometimes I even fall asleep while praying. But it does not matter. I’m like a son with the father, and that is what’s important.
Would you like to make me happy? Read the Bible!
Flying Cats
A pastor had a little kitten stuck up in a tree, and the kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and drove until the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten. But as he moved just a little too far, the rope broke. The tree snapped upright and the kitten instantly sailed through the air and out of sight.
He felt just terrible and walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they had seen a little kitten. Nobody had and finally he prayed, “Lord, I commit this kitten to Your keeping,” and then went about his business. A few days later he was at the grocery store and met one of his church members. In her shopping cart he was amazed to see cat food. Now this woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her why she was buying cat food when she hated cats so much.
She replied, “You won’t believe this but I have been refusing to buy my little girl a cat even though she has been begging for one. Finally I told her that if God gives you a cat, I’ll let you keep it.
“I watched my child go out into the yard, get on her knees and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won’t believe this but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky with its paws spread out and landed right in front of her. Of course I had to let her keep the kitten since it came from God. . . .”
From The Daily Dilly Quoted from PreachingNow Email listGod? Are You Really There?
Little Jimmy was laying on a hill in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God.
“God? Are you really there?” Jimmy said out loud.
To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. “Yes, Jimmy? What can I do for you?”
Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, “God? What is a million years like to you?”
Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God
responded in a manner to which Jimmy could relate. “A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute.”“Oh,” said Jimmy. “Well, then, what’s a million dollars like to you?” “A
million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny.”“Wow!” remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. “You’re so generous… can I have one of your pennies?”
God replied, “Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute.”
Is God Deaf?
A little boy was kneeling beside his bed with his mother and grandmother and softly saying his prayers, “Dear God, please bless Mummy and Daddy and all the family and please give me a good night’s sleep.”
Suddenly he looked up and shouted, “And don’t forget to give me a bicycle for my birthday!!”
“There is no need to shout like that,” said his mother. “God isn’t deaf.”
“No,” said the little boy, “but Grandma is.”Bargaining With God
A mother overheard her young son praying one day: ‘ . . . and if you give me a bike, Lord, then I’ll be good for a whole week.’
She interrupted him and said, ‘Now, Johnny, it’s no good trying to bargain with God. He won’t answer prayers like that!’
A few days later she overheard him praying again: ‘. . . and if you give me a new bike, Lord, I’ll be good for three weeks!’
‘Johnny,’ said his mother ently ‘I thought I told you it was no good trying to strike bargains with the Lord. He doesn’t respond to that sort of prayer.’
A few days later the mother was cleaning the house and, to her amazement, found right at the bottom of the airing cupboard, a little statue of the madonna that had stood on the sideboard. She guessed that this must be something to do with Johnny and went up to his room to find him. He wasn’t there but on the window sill she found a note which read: ‘OK, Lord, if you ever want to see your mother again … !’