Category Archives: Sermon Illustrations

Various

Riddles

1) My voice is tender, my waist is slender and I’m
often invited to play. Yet wherever I go I must
take my bow or else I have nothing to say.
What am I?

2) We travel much, yet prisoners we are, and close confined
to boot. With the swiftest horse we keep pace, yet always
go on foot. What are we???

3) What can wear away stone
with the drip of a stream,
Cripple the oldest of anything?
What will go on forever,
yet never began,
The ruler of the world
with an iron hand?

4) If athletes get athlete’s foot, then what do astronauts get?

5) How does Mickey Mouse get around during the winter?
1) A violin.
2) Spurs
3) Time
4) Mistletoe
5) Mice Skates

Quoted from Sermon_Fodder(at)yahoogroups.com email list

A Story About Four People

Responsibility

This is a story about four people: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it.
Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did.
Somebody got angry because it was Everybody’s job.
Everybody knew that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realised that Somebody wouldn’t do it.
And it ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody because Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

Somebody Everybody Anybody & Nobody

Responsibility

There was a most important job that needed to be done,
And no reason NOT to do it, there was absolutely none.
But in vital matters such as this, the thing you have to ask
Is WHO exactly will it be who’ll carry OUT the task.

Anybody could have told you that Everybody knew
That this was something SOMEBODY would surely have to do.
Nobody was unwilling. Anybody had the ability.
But NOBODY believed that it was his responsibility.

It seemed to be a job that ANYBODY could have done.
If Anybody thought he was supposed to be the one.
But since Everybody recognized that Anybody could
Everybody took for granted that SOMEBODY would.

But Nobody told Anybody that we are aware of,
That he would be in charge of seeing it was taken care of.
And Nobody took it on himself to follow through,
And DO what Everybody thought that Somebody would do.

When what Everybody needed so did not get done at all,
Everybody was complaining that Somebody dropped the ball.
Anybody then could see it was an awful crying shame,
And Everybody looked around for SOMEBODY to blame.

Somebody should have done the job
And Everybody should have,
But in the end Nobody did
What Anybody could have.

Found on a number of websites and attributed to Charles Osgood

Four People Who Had Very Unusual Names

Responsibility, Sketches

Once upon a time there were four people who had very unusual names. I’d like to introduce the people to you.
This is ‘Everybody”
Here is ‘Somebody’.
This is ‘Anybody’.
And last, I’d like you to meet ‘Nobody’.
At the time our story begins, Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody all lived together in the same house. They all got along well together and each did their share of the work. But one day there was a very important job to be done, and then the trouble started.
Everybody said ‘Somebody will do it’.
Now Anybody could have done it, but in the end Nobody did it.
Somebody became very angry and said ‘It’s Everybody’s job!’
But Everybody said ‘Anybody should have done it!’
Nobody knew that Everybody wouldn’t do it.
In the end, Everybody blamed Somebody because Anybody could have done the very important job, but Nobody did it.

In Flanders Fields

Remembrance, War

John McCrae a Canadian soldier took a break from dressing the injuries of wounded soldiers and wrote a poem which has become known to virtually everyone who wears a poppy in November.
In Flanders Fields In Flanders Fields the poppies blow between the crosses row on row, That mark our place; and in the sky the larks still bravely singing, fly Scarce heard amid the guns below. We are the dead. Short days ago we lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, loved and were loved, and now we lie in Flanders fields. Take up our quarrel with the foe: To you from failing hands we throw the torch; be yours to hold it high. If ye break faith with us who die We shall not sleep, though poppies grow In Flanders Fields.

Please Wear A Poppy

Remembrance

“Please wear a poppy,” the lady said,
And held one forth, but I shook my head,
Then I stopped and watched as she offered them there,
And her face was old and lined with care;

But beneath the scars the years had made
There remained a smile that refused to fade.
A boy came whistling down the street,
Bouncing along on care-free feet.

His smile was full of joy and fun,
“Lady,” said he, “may I have one?”
When she’d pinned it on, he turned to say;
“Why do we wear a poppy today?”

The lady smiled in her wistful way
And answered; “This is Remembrance Day.
And the poppy there is a symbol for
The gallant men who died in war.

And because they did, you and I are free –
That’s why we wear a poppy, you see.
I had a boy about your size,
With golden hair and big blue eyes.

He loved to play and jump and shout,
Free as a bird, he would race about.
As the years went by, he learned and grew,
And became a man – as you will, too.

He was fine and strong, with a boyish smile,
But he’d seemed with us such a little while
When war broke out and he went away.
I still remember his face that day.

When he smiled at me and said, ‘Goodbye,
I’ll be back soon, Mum, please don’t cry.’
But the war went on and he had to stay,
And all I could do was wait and pray.

His letters told of the awful fight
(I can see it still in my dreams at night),
With the tanks and guns and cruel barbed wire,
And the mines and bullets, the bombs and fire.

Till at last, at last, the war was won –
And that’s why we wear a poppy, son.”
The small boy turned as if to go,
Then said: “Thanks, lady, I’m glad to know.

I slunk away in a sort of shame,
And if you were me, you’d have done the same:
For our thanks, in giving, if oft delayed,
Though our freedom was bought – and thousands paid!

And so, when we see a poppy worn,
Let us reflect on the burden borne
By those who gave their very all
When asked to answer their country’s call
That we at home in peace might live.
Then wear a poppy! Remember – and Give!

I first found this poem in a church magazine as anonymous, but having searched the web it is attributed to different authors including Don Crawford on the BBC website.

Rejection massively reduces IQ – NewScientist.com news service

Rejection

15 March 02 Rejection can dramatically reduce a person’s IQ and their ability to reason analytically, while increasing their aggression, according to new research. “It’s been known for a long time that rejected kids tend to be more violent and aggressive,” says Roy Baumeister of the Case Western Reserve University in Ohio, who led the work. “But we’ve found that randomly assigning students to rejection experiences can lower their IQ scores and make them aggressive.” Baumeister’s team used two separate procedures to investigate the effects of rejection. In the first, a group of strangers met, got to know each other, and then separated. Each individual was asked to list which two other people they would like to work with on a task. They were then told they had been chosen by none or all of the others. In the second, people taking a personality test were given false feedback, telling them they would end up alone in life or surrounded by friends and family.
Aggression scores increased in the rejected groups. But the IQ scores also immediately dropped by about 25 per cent, and their analytical reasoning scores dropped by 30 per cent.

“These are very big effects – the biggest I’ve got in 25 years of research,” says Baumeister. “This tells us a lot about human nature. People really seem designed to get along with others, and when you’re excluded, this has significant effects.”

Baumeister thinks rejection interferes with a person’s self-control. “To live in society, people have to have an inner mechanism that regulates their behaviour. Rejection defeats the purpose of this, and people become impulsive and self-destructive. You have to use self-control to analyse a problem in an IQ test, for example – and instead, you behave impulsively.”

Baumeister presented his results at the annual conference of the British Psychological Society in Blackpool, Lancashire, UK

Quoted from http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99992051

A Prehistoric Find?

Rejection

The Smithsonian Institute sent the following rejection letter in response to an amateur paleontologist’s submission of a Malibu Barbie head for consideration as a prehistoric find.

Paleoanthropology Division
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078

Dear Sir:

Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled “211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull.” We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents “conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago.” Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the “Malibu Barbie”. It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to it’s modern origin:

  1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.
  2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.
  3. The dentition pattern evident on the “skull” is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the “ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams” you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:

A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.

B. Clams don’t have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in it’s normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating’s notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation’s Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name “Australopithecus spiff-arino.” Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn’t really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation’s capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the “trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix” that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science,

Harvey Rowe
Curator, Antiquities

Quoted from http://www.snopes2.com/humor/letters/smithson.htm

TO Whom It May Concern

Rejection

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer, just send them the following:

To Whom It May Concern:

Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment at this time.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite [Name of the Company]’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.

Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately. I look forward to working with you.

Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]

Quoted from http://home.globility.com/~superdog/rejection.html