Sermon Illustrations
Getting To Heaven
Asking the children in my Sunday School class, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into Heaven?” “NO”! the children all answered.
“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into Heaven”? Again, the answer was “NO”!
Well,” I continued, “then how can I get to Heaven?” In the back of the room, a 5 yr. old boy shouted out, “You gotta be dead”!
Tina Miller Quoted for the SermonFodder email list.
What Is It Like To be A Christian?
A woman was asked by a co-worker, “What is it like to be a Christian?”
The co-worker replied, “It is like being a pumpkin. God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. Then he cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc., and then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see.”
Quoted from net153.com email list
Consequences
A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. The poor little guy starts crying.
“Come on man. I was just giving you a hard time,” the biker says. “I can’t stand to see a man crying.”
“This is the worst day of my life,” says the little guy between sobs. “I can’t do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I grabbed a cab home but, after the cab left, I discovered my wallet was still in the cab. At home I found my wife cheating with the gardener and my dog bit me. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the poison!”
Computers
A surgeon, a civil engineer, and a software engineer were chatting. The discussion rolled around to whose profession was the oldest.
The surgeon said that his was, since in the Book of Genesis, God created Eve from one of Adam’s ribs, and surely that involved surgery.
The civil engineer countered by saying that before God created man, he created the heavens and the Earth from chaos, surely a feat of civil engineering.
The software engineer just smiled and said, “Where do you think chaos came from?”
Quoted from net153.com email list
The Hunter And The Bear
A hunter raised his rifle and took careful aim at a large bear.
When about to pull the trigger, the bear spoke in a soft soothing voice, “Isn’t it better to talk than to shoot? What do you want? Let’s negotiate the matter.”
Lowering his rifle, the hunter replied, “I want a fur coat.”
“Good,” said the bear, “that is a negotiable item. I only want a full stomach, so let us sit down and negotiate a compromise.”
They sat down to negotiate and after a time the bear walked away, alone. The negotiations had been successful.
The bear had a full stomach, and the hunter had his fur coat!
Easter Story
This moving, reflective piece is great for Easter. Or use it any time to reflect on Jesus with this unique line drawing video.
I think this is brilliant and we have used it in services.Video 4min 16sec
I Told The Other Kids Not To Worry
It’s a fascinating story that comes out of the 1989 earthquake which almost flattened Armenia. This deadly tremor killed over 30,000 people in less than four minutes. In the midst of all the confusion of the earthquake, a father rushed to his son’s school. When he arrived there he discovered the building was flat as a pancake.
Standing there looking at what was left of the school, the father remembered a promise he made to his son, “No matter what, I’ll always be there for you!” Tears began to fill his eyes. It looked like a hopeless situation, but he could not take his mind off his promise.
Remembering that his son’s classroom was in the back right corner of the building, the father rushed there and started digging through the rubble. As he was digging other grieving parents arrived, clutching their hearts, saying: “My son! “My daughter!” They tried to pull him off of what was left of the school saying: “It’s too late!” “They’re dead!” “You can’t help!” “Go home!” Even a police officer and a fire-fighter told him he should go home. To everyone who tried to stop him he said, “Are you going to help me now?” They did not answer him and he continued digging for his son stone by stone.
He needed to know for himself: “Is my boy alive or is he dead?” This man dug for eight hours and then twelve and then twenty-four and then thirty-six. Finally in the thirty-eighth hour, as he pulled back a boulder, he heard his son’s voice. He screamed his son’s name, “ARMAND!” and a voice answered him, “Dad?” It’s me Dad!”
Then the boy added these priceless words, “I told the other kids not to worry. I told ’em that if you were alive, you’d save me and when you saved me, they’d be saved. You promised that, Dad. ‘No matter what,’ you said, ‘I’ll always be there for you!’ And here you are Dad. You kept your promise!”
Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen, Chicken Soup for the Soul.
Rickover Interview
For many years Admiral Hyman Rickover was the head of the United State Nuclear Navy. His admirers and his critics held strongly opposing views about the stern and demanding Admiral. For many years every officer aboard a nuclear submarine was personally interviewed and approved by Rickover. Those who went through those interviews usually came out shaking with fear, anger or total intimidation. Among them was Ex-President Jimmy Carter who, years ago, applied for service under Rickover.
This is his account of a Rickover interview:I had applied for the Nuclear Submarine Program, and Admiral Rickover was interviewing me for the job. It was the first time I met Admiral Rickover, and we sat in a large room by ourselves for more than two hours, and he let me choose any subjects I wished to discuss. Very carefully, I chose those about which I knew most at the time, current events, seamanship, music, literature, naval tactics, electronics, gunnery, and he began to ask me a series of questions of increasing difficulty. In each instance, he soon proved that I knew relatively little about the subject I had chosen. He always looked right into my eyes, and he never smiled. I was saturated with cold sweat.
Finally, he asked a question and I thought I could redeem myself. He said, “How did you stand in your class at the Naval Academy?” Since I had completed my Sophomore year at Georgia Tech before entering Annapolis as a Pleb, I had done very well and I swelled my chest with pride and answered “Sir, I stood fifty-ninth in a class of 820!” I sat back to wait for the congratulations which never came. Instead the question came. “Did you do your best?” I started to say, “Yes, sir”, but I remembered who this was and recalled several of the many times at the Academy when I could have learned more about our allies, our enemies, weapons, strategy, and so forth. I was just human. I finally gulped and said, “No, sir, I didn’t always do my best.”
He looked at me for a long time, and then turned his chair around to end the interview. He asked one final question, which I have never been able to forget or to answer. He said, “Why not?” I sat there for a while shaken, and then slowly left the room.Graham Twelvetree in Get The Point Across p34-35
Communist Commitment
This is how a communist explained the success of his ‘religion’: ‘Of salaries and wages we keep only what is strictly necessary, and we give up our free time and part of our holidays …. How can anybody believe in the supreme value of the [Christian] gospel if you do not practice it, if you do not spread it, if you sacrifice neither time nor money for it? We believe in our communist message and we are ready to sacrifice even our life. But you people are afraid to soil your hands.’
Quoted from Through the Year with David Watson p318
You Call Me …
You call me Master and Obey me not.
You call me Light and See me not.
You call me Way and Walk me not.
You call me Life and Desire me not.
You call me Wise and Follow me not.
You call me Fair and Love me not.
You call me Rich and Ask me not.
You call me Eternal and Seek me not.
You call me Gracious and Trust me not.
If I condemn you, Blame me not.Written anonymously on the walls of a medieval castle. Real Evangelism, p. 138