Sermon Illustrations

  • Cross,  Good Friday

    Words From The Crowd

    This collection of reflections by JOHN L. BELL focuses on these seven words; a different character responding each time, in their own way, to what they’ve heard.

    Father, forgive them; they do not know what they are doing.

    …. on the contrary;
    you do not know what you have done.

    The stage of history
    was erected, trod and tested
    long before your brief sortie
    from the wings.

    The drama of salvation
    – you are religious,
    you will understand –
    has been played, continuous,
    in repertory
    and found, in the main,
    to please….
    and that without a saviour
    except God and the system.

    But you, upstart from outside,
    decided to change the script,
    to subvert the plot,
    to personalise the absolute,
    and, ad libbing with the audience,
    to infer that the new travesty
    is true.
    Who are you?

    You do not know what you have done.

    But it is not irreparable.
    Two days, three perhaps,
    and your face will be forgotten
    as the actor is
    who plays the clown at night
    and, unmasked,
    feels a fool in the morning.

    Your listeners will stop speaking of you;
    your followers will stop following;
    religion will return to normal –
    we’ve had such sects before –
    and your theatre in the round
    will close its invisible doors
    forever
    when the hero dies and
    exeunt omnes.

    – A travelling player

    Today you shall be with me in paradise.

    In paradise
    a boy with lice
    is showered clean with kisses;
    a girl with spots
    gets lots and lots
    of cuddles that she misses.

    Eachie peachie, eachie peachie
    where’s the evil eye gone?
    Where’s the bogey, where’s the polis,
    where’s the ones they spy on?
    Eachie peachie, eachie peachie,
    children who were naughty,
    always got their trousers torn
    or always missed the potty
    now can sit on Jesus’ knee
    and now can feel him tickle.
    What a shame that adults get
    the Saviour in a pickle.
    Eachie peachie, eachie peachie
    where’s the evil eye gone?
    Where’s the bogey, where’s the polis,
    where’s the ones they spy one?

    In paradise
    the doctors find
    that surgeons all are men born blind;
    the clergy find
    that those who teach
    were all beyond their preaching’s reach.

    Rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief
    find that heaven’s like a coral reef,
    a coral reef that sinks a ship
    and all the differences on which we trip.
    We trip on past, we trip on present,
    we loathe the prince and we mock the peasant.
    But paradise is where we find
    that good and bad are of a stranger kind.

    In Paradise
    you sometimes stare
    at who’s arrived and at who’s not there;
    and bigger yet
    is the surprise
    that you are there in Paradise .

    – A child

    Mother, there is your son… there is your mother.

    Knit two, purl two, knit two,
    drop a stitch…
    which…
    wumman?

    Knit four, purl four, drop two,
    knit one…
    which…
    son?

    Jamesie, cum here.
    Who’se thir mammie’s boy?
    Jamesie, gie back that toy
    tae the wee lassie.
    It’s hur teddie.
    Jamesie, when yoo’re ready!!

    Don’t greet hen.
    Ye’ll get him back agen.
    But here’s anither wan tae haud
    till that wee bugger brings back yir wain.

    Knit two, purl two, knit two,
    drop a stitch…
    which…
    wumman?

    Knit four, purl four, drop two,
    knit one….
    which….
    son?

    – A woman with child

    My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

    Him too?…
    like every other Jew
    or, if not all,
    like me.

    Through God created,
    to God related,
    by God mistaken,
    by God forsaken.

    His groan,
    like every heavenward moan,
    or, if not all,
    is mine.

    Through God extracted,
    to God attracted,
    by God conceived,
    by God deceived.

    He asks
    what every fear unmasks,
    or, if not all,
    mine do.

    Through God undaunted,
    to God unwanted,
    by God impressed,
    by God depressed.

    He’ll cry
    and like all flesh he’ll die
    or, if not all…

    This Jewish Jesus must be listened to,
    though many hear, only a few
    or less might dare to see
    that either society’s scarecrow
    is hanging on the tree
    or God, if He’s his father,
    is like this broken creature
    looking through much pain at me.

    – An agnostic

    I thirst

    Thursday?…
    Whit?…
    Aw….thursty?
    I thoat he wis a day oot!

    Right enuf, it’s awfa waarm.
    The swet’s rinnin oot ma oxter
    like creesh oot a mutton pie…
    Oh laam of God…

    Sorry,
    nae offence, missus.

    Whit’s he daen there onyway?
    The last time I saw him
    I wis as pisht as a fart in a trance.
    An I asked him fur a shullin.

    An then he dauneret intae big Susie’s hoose
    an made fur me tae jine him.
    Hur settee’ a fold-doon bed, but.

    Bad memries…
    know whit I mean?…
    Brewer’s droop an….

    Sorry,
    nae offence, missus.

    So noo he’s thursty
    an no a pub in sight
    an too early fur a cairy oot…
    no that I could stretch ma airm that faur
    tae gae him a sook et ma boattle if I hud waan.
    But I’d gie it a try,
    even though I’d maist likely boak up
    if ma haun went near that bloody mess…

    Sorry,
    nae offence, missus.
    So, whit dis that say, lady?
    Thon thing abuv his heid.
    That’s no his name!
    That’s no whit I’ve heard him caa’d.
    Aw….
    it’s his title.

    Oh well,
    I must go hame an tell the wife
    that the day’s the day
    the Saivyir of the World
    waantit a drink!

    Christ,
    I’ve a fair drooth on me, masel.

    – A drunk man

    Father, into your hands, I commit my spirit

    It will not end,
    not now.
    Not with what he said.

    In life,
    we often give till it pleases,
    seldom till it hurts,

    never when pain sears, soars
    and roars for death to come
    and life to die.

    It will not end,
    not now.
    Not with what he said.

    This wrecked, wracked pastime of a body,
    this taught, untreated plaything of a man
    takes much,
    but even in the throes of death
    he shows his strength
    and gives more.

    Cling firmly to your spirit
    and nothing you’ll receive.
    But let it go and God
    the human race’s running sore,
    its civil sin with private core
    will conquer and relieve.

    You will not end,
    not now
    with what you said.

    For on the cross you came
    forgiving,
    you finish,
    giving.
    All will return
    and rise with you,
    living.

    – A watching woman

    It is finished
    Move along, my lovely ladies,
    sure, you’ve seen it all before:
    nasty sight for nasty people,
    nothing works like blood and gore.
    But for ladies sore with crying,
    sunken eyes in sunken cheeks,
    there are better sights to stare at
    than three decimated freaks.

    Move along, my boozie cronie,
    lift the foot you think is stuck.
    Had you come an hour early
    you might just have chanced your luck
    Playing pitch and toss with soldiers
    who were gambling for the clothes

    his, now mine, are these and those.

    Move along, my little children,
    time for school or time for bed.
    Fill your minds with dreams or wisdom
    which will last. Don’t lift your head
    any higher than my elbow.
    Him above’s about to die.
    Then we’ll clear this messy business
    which obscures the sun and sky.

    Move along you sundry people,
    suited to your Sunday best,
    rooted gazing at a failure
    destined for eternal rest
    unless God, in his own humour,
    has in mind another goal,
    topping heaven’s celestial goblets,
    shovelling hell’s unwanted coal.

    Move along. Bert, did you hear him?
    Sounded like he thinks it’s done,
    though his voice almost suggested
    that perhaps he’d just begun
    to expect some other ending.
    What a queer fish. I don’t know.
    Still, for now, the show is over.
    Move along please,
    move along please.
    Bert, wake up
    it’s nearly time to go.

    – A soldier

    Quoted from: www.iona.org.uk/goose_liturgy.php

  • Cross,  Easter,  Evangelism,  Jesus,  YouTube Videos

    Washed Clean Magic – Magic Cross Trick

    This is BRILLIANT – I’ve used it in both All Age Services and School Easter Assemblies/Services.

    I eventually worked it out with Iodine, spray starch and Sodium Thiosulphate. I used some of the links and information below to work this out.

    http://www.crosstrick.com/cross-trick.htm

    http://childrensministryperspectives.blogspot.co.uk/2007/02/object-lesson-on-salvation.html

    http://professorwonder.com/magic3.htm

    Another version:

    You will need a large clear jar with a lid that can be sealed, a second container of some type, some Chlorine bleach, some Iodine, and two light colored sponges. Cut one sponge in the shape of a heart. Cut the other in the shape of the cross. Both need to be of a size that will fit in the jar with a lid.

    Fill the jar with a lid about half full of water, and the other container with a very strong solution of bleach and water (half and half will do). Set the cross in the bleach solution as you begin your lesson (not too long before, it could disolve the sponge).

    For the lesson, show the children the heart shaped sponge. Talk about sin and put some drops of iodine on the sponge to represent those sins. You can talk about how impossible it is to remove those stains by yourself. Even dip the heart shaped sponge in the jar of water and show it is still dirty. Then, put the heart shaped sponge in the jar of water and leave it. Now take the cross out of the bleach solution, keeping as much of the solution in the sponge as possible. Tell the children about the power of the cross to cleanse the heart from sin. Put the cross in the jar with water and the stained heart, seal it with the lid, and shake it up a bit as you talk some more about the cross. Then, open the lid and take the heart out. It will be clean.

    You should experiment with this lesson once before you actually give it to be sure you have a strong enough bleach solution to clear the iodine from the heart shaped sponge. Be sure to rinse the heart shaped sponge very clean with clear water so the iodine stains will remain when you do the real lesson.

  • Criticism

    Signing Your Letters

    A minister was opening his mail one morning.

    Drawing a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it
    only one word: “FOOL”.

    The next Sunday he announced, “I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their name.

    “But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and
    had forgotten to write a letter.”

    From Cybersalt Ilustrations Email List

  • Creed

    The Apostle’s Creed

    A Sunday School class was studying the Apostles Creed. Each member of the class was given a section of the creed to learn by heart; then Sunday by Sunday they would take in turns to recite the creed, each student repeating their part. And so, one Sunday morning, the class began.

    The first child stood up and said “I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth.”

    The second student stood and said “I believe in Jesus Christ, his only son, our Lord.”

    Then there was a few moment silence, before one girl spoke up: “I’m sorry sir, but the boy who believes in the Holy Ghost is absent today.”

    Source: author unknown. Quoted from http://www.net153.com email list

  • Creation

    Get Your Own Dirt!

    A scientist approaches God and says to Him: “God, we don’t need You anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing. We can now do what You did in the beginning.”

    “Oh, is that so?” replies God.

    “Yes,” says the scientist, “We can take dirt and form it into a human likeness, and breath life into it, thus, creating man.”

    “Well, that’s very interesting,” God said. “Show Me.”

    So the scientist reaches down, grabs a handful of dirt, and starts to mold the soil into the shape of a man.

    “No, no,” interrupts God, “Get your own dirt!”

  • Creation

    Improving Creation

    There’s a story about a little girl who climbed up on the lap of her great-grandmother and looked at her white hair and wrinkles and then asked, “Did God make you?”
    “Yes,” she said.
    Then she asked, “Did God make me, too?”
    Grandma said, “Yes.”
    “Well,” said the little girl, “Don’t you think He’s doing a better job now than he used to?”

    See: Gen 1:26-27

  • Covenant,  Prayer

    Methodist Covenant Prayer

    Precious Lord, let me be Your servant, under Your command.
    I will no longer be my own.
    I give myself up to Your will in all things.
    Make of me what You will. Rank me with whom You will.
    I put myself fully in Your hands.
    Put me to doing…or put me to suffering.
    Let me be employed for You… or laid aside for You
    Exalted for You… or brought low for You.
    Let me be full…or let me be empty.
    Let me have all things… or let me have nothing.
    I freely and heartily yield all things to Your pleasure and disposal.

    And now – O glorious and blessed God – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit – You are mine… and I am Yours. So be it! Let this covenant, which I make here on Earth today, be ratified in Heaven. In Christ’s Name, I pray – Amen.

    John Wesley Covenant Prayer