Sermon Illustrations

  • Marriage,  Weddings

    Ten Marriage Witticisms

    Witticism 1: Marriages are made in heaven, but so again are thunder and lightning.

    Witticism 2: If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

    Witticism 3: Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!

    Witticism 4: Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

    Witticism 5: When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

    Witticism 6: Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

    Witticism 7: Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

    Witticism 8: Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and is a good cook, but the law allows only one wife.

    Witticism 9: Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law allows only one
    husband.

    Witticism 10: Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished.

  • Magnificat

    The Magnificat In India

    William Temple, the Archbishop of Canterbury, instructed his missionaries to India never to read the Magnificat in public when unbelievers were present. Why? Because in a country like India with all its poverty, this portion of Scripture, if taken out of context, would cause nothing but trouble.

  • Lying,  Preaching

    Mark 17

    A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”

    The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”

  • Lying

    I’m His Sister

    A young lady walked over to the hospital room where she knew her friend was.
    “May I see Irving, please?” she asked the woman blocking the door.

    “We don’t allow anyone but relatives to see the patients.” replied the woman. “Are you a member of the family?”

    “Why-er-why, yes. I’m his sister,” said the young lady.

    “Oh, I’m so glad to meet you,” said the women. “I’m his mother!”

  • Love,  Money

    Love People

    What most people need to learn in life is how to love people and use things instead of using people and loving things.
    Author Unknown

  • Love

    Love Quotes

    If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question ?
    — Lily Tomlin.
    If you have it [love], you don’t need to have anything else, and if you don’t have it, it doesn’t matter much what else you have.
    — Sir James M. Barrie
    It is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing. It is not how much we give, but how much love we put in the giving.
    — Mother Teresa
    Love built on beauty, soon as beauty, dies.
    — John Donne.
    Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

    — Bertolt Brecht
    He who wants to do good, knocks at the gate; he who loves finds the gates open.
    — Sir Rabindranath “Tagore” Thakur
    True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about but few have seen.
    — Unknown
    Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
    — Dr. Karl Bowman.
    Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.
    — Lord Dewar.
    Love is being stupid together.
    — Paul Valery
    There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer, no disease that enough love will not heal, no door that enough love will not bridge, no wall that enough love will not throw down, no sin that enough love will not redeem… It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble, how hopeless the outlook, how muddled the tangle, how great the mistake. A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all. If only you could love enough, you could be the happiest and most powerful being in the world…
    — Emmet Fox
    Love: Two minds without a single thought.
    — Philip Barry.
    Lovers, like bees, lead a honey-sweet life.
    — Graffiti on a wall of Pompeii.
    Never sign a valentine with your own name.
    — Charles Dickens
    Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.
    — Bertrand Russell
    One advantage of marriage it seems to me Is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you it keeps you together until maybe you fall in again.
    — Judith Viorst
    One good thing about internet dating: you’re guaranteed to click with whomever you meet.
    — Mongo.
    May you live as long as you wish and love as long as you live.
    — Robert A. Heinlein, Time Enough for Love
    To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
    — Unknown
    Where does the family start ? It starts with a young man falling in love with a girl – no superior alternative has yet been found.
    — Winston Churchill.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.”
    — Barbara DeAngelis
    When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. Jimi Hendrix (1942-1970) American Musician, Guitarist, Singer, Songwriter

    All from: home.att.net/~quotations/love.html

  • Love,  Marriage

    Marriage Disagreements

    A couple married for 15 years began having more than usual disagreements. They wanted to make their marriage work and agreed on an idea the wife had. For one month they planned to drop a slip in a “Fault” box. The boxes would provide a place to let the other know about daily irritations. The wife was diligent in her efforts and approach: “leaving the jelly top off the jar,” “wet towels on the shower floor,” “dirty socks not in hamper,” on and on until the end of the month. After dinner, at the end of the month, they exchanged boxes. The husband reflected on what he had done wrong. Then the wife opened her box and began reading. They were all the same, the message on each slip was, “I love you!”