If the devil were to write his beatitudes, they would probably go something like this:
1. Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians – they are my best workers.
2. Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked-I can use them.
3. Blessed are the touchy who stop going to church-they are my missionaries.
4. Blessed are the trouble makers-they shall be called my children.
5. Blessed are the complainers – I’m all ears to them.
6. Blessed are those who are bored with the minister’s mannerisms and mistakes – for they get nothing out of his sermons.
7. Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church – for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.
8. Blessed are those who gossip – for they shall cause strife and divisions that please me.
9. Blessed are those who are easily offended-for they will soon get angry and quit.
10. Blessed are those who do not give their offering to carry on God’s work-for they are my helpers.
11. Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister – for he shall be with me forever.
12. Blessed are you who, when you read this think it is about other people and not yourself – I’ve got you too!
Quoted from funny(at)net153.com email list