Category Archives: Teaching

At the end of Sunday School little Joey asked his teacher a question:
“Mr. Goldblatt,” announced little Joey, “there’s something I can’t figure out.”

“What’s that, Joey?” asked Goldblatt.

“Well, according to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?”

“Right.”

“And the Children of Israel beat up the Phillistines, right?” “Er, right.”

“And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?” “Again you’re right.”

“And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of Israel were always doing something important, right?”

“All that is right, too,” agreed Goldblatt. “So what’s your question?”

“What were all the grown-ups doing?”

Logic

A teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.

“Here is the situation,” she said.

“A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.

“His wife hears the commotion, knows he can’t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?”

A little girl raised her hand and suggested, “To draw out all his savings?”
Quoted from funny(at)net153.com email list

The Job Of The Teacher

The following illustration may be American but the same sentiments apply to the UK!
Let me see if I’ve got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids and fill their every waking moment with a love for learning. Not only that, I’m supposed to instil a sense of pride in their ethnicity, behaviourally modify disruptive behaviour, observe them for signs of abuse and T-shirt messages.

I am to fight the war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for guns and raise their self-esteem. I’m to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, how and where to register to vote, how to balance a check book and how to apply for a job.

I am to check their heads occasionally for lice, maintain a safe environment, recognize signs of potential antisocial behaviour, offer advice, write letters of recommendation for student employment and scholarships, encourage respect for the cultural diversity of others, and, oh yeah, always make sure that I give the girls in my class 50 percent of my attention.

I’m required by my contract to be working on my own time summer and evenings at my own expense toward advance certification and a master’s degree; and after school, I am to attend committee and faculty meetings and participate in staff development training to maintain my employment status.

I am to be a paragon of virtue larger than life, such that my very presence will awe my students into being obedient and respectful of authority. I am to pledge allegiance to supporting family values, a return to the basics, and to my current administration. I am to incorporate technology into the learning, and monitor all Web sites while providing a personal relationship with each student. I am to decide who might be potentially dangerous and/or liable to commit crimes in school or who is possibly being abused, and I can be sent to jail for not mentioning these suspicions.

I am to make sure all students pass the state and federally mandated testing and all classes, whether or not they attend school on a regular basis or complete any of the work assigned. Plus, I am expected to make sure that all of the students with handicaps are guaranteed a free and equal education, regardless of their mental or physical handicap. I am to communicate frequently with each student’s parent by letter, phone, newsletter and grade card.

I’m to do all of this with just a piece of chalk, a computer, a few books, a bulletin board, a 45 minute more-or-less plan time and a big smile, all on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps in many states. Is that all?

And you want me to do all of this and expect me NOT TO PRAY?

Quoted from http://www.cybersalt.org Illustrations email list